


Taming of the Heart

by Anonymous



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, circus AU, h/c
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:27:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26179474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Tomorrow they will do it all over again.
Relationships: Fíli/Kíli (Tolkien)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13
Collections: GatheringFiKi - Secret Admirers 2020





	Taming of the Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [girlmarvel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlmarvel/gifts).



> Secret Admirers story for Damnitfili. A little angst for you, bro! Thank you for being a part of this incredible fandom! Hope you like it~

New Orleans  
September 19th, 1902

Fili was never made for the limelight; his is to stick to the shadows, use ropes and levers to create magic for those who pay to see it.

But he does step out in front of the audience nevertheless – his senses instantly overwhelmed, his smiles brittle and purely for show – because Kili _thrives_ on being in the centre of attention.

Besides, their act is based on the play of opposites: light and dark, tall and short, the one who jumps and the one who catches him.

As captivating as he is to Fili, Kili could never be a solo act.

They bow as one and quickly climb the rope ladders – to entertain, to delight, to risk it all.

***

They’ve been with the circus ever since they can remember; it’s the only life they have ever known.

Their mother – beautiful as a painting – fell in love with a magician. It was a story as scandalous as it was clichéd.

They grew up among the bustle of the camp, the never-ending chores, the glamour of the stage and the bitter poverty behind it all.

They were seven and five respectively when Fili and Kili first started performing on the trapeze. It was all but a game to them at first, the freedom of a swing, the glee of hanging from the ropes like a pair of monkeys.

Then, it quickly became the means of their survival.

When they look back at their memories, it’s as if their parents simply disappeared one day, pulling the greatest of all magical acts. In truth, they were simply too young to remember.

(Their father, it is whispered, found himself caught up with some men he owed money to and was never seen or heard from again.

Their mother was taken by tuberculosis, not a year later. If he focuses real hard, Fili can still remember the sound of a wet, ripping cough, but he does his best not to.)

***

A swing, a jump, a triple somersault, a complicated pirouette in mid-air and a pair of steady hands that catch him. Gasps from the audience, apex of the swing and an easy loop on to the bar, seemingly pushing Fili off it, only to catch him when he returns having completed his own routine.

As they fly, as they sail through the air and spin in place, the whole weight of one or both of them is always suspended from a joint or two. An acrobat must be seen to be effortless, regardless of how much it costs him.

***

They don’t plan to stay with the circus all their life; they are saving, little by little, every week. They have it all worked out.

Fili will work in construction – an acrobat won’t be afraid of working at heights, and he’s plenty strong enough from constantly moving, packing and unpacking the circus.

(He’s just as terrified of falling as anyone else would be, but infinitely better at hiding it.)

Besides, there’s a boom happening in cities like Chicago and New York, with plenty of work to go around.

Kili... Kili will finish school. Get a decent education and then become anyone he wants to be. Perhaps a mechanic or maybe even a clerk.

(Kili himself disagrees with this plan, but Fili hopes to convince him, if they ever get that far.)

***

The crowds roar, children screech, everyone claps.

The chalk on their hands has almost completely rubbed off by now, but that’s okay – there are no more passes to deliver.

For this briefest of moments they are just a distraction - as their costumes glitter in brilliant lights, exposed to the full glory, drama and magic of the circus, below them others bustle about to prepare the props for the next act.

It’s done now; another performance without a serious injury or worse.

Tomorrow they will do it all over again.

***

They have never, ever dropped one another – there is no doubt in their minds that when they jump, the other will be there to catch them.

But they _have_ fallen down together, several times.

(Down, down, a sickening lurch and a free fall, hands blindly clamping around each other.)

Like that last time, when Fili dislocated both his left hip and his shoulder, all at once. He’d managed to rotate them in mid-air and paid the price for them both.

Kili will never forget the screams, when Oin – the both circus’ resident clown and medic – pushed them back in their place.

He’d never seen Fili pass out from the pain before.

That was over three months ago, but it still ails him, because Fili won’t let it heal properly.

Oin watches him and shakes his head: “four weeks with no movement at all,” he repeats sternly, “or you will do yourself permanent damage, laddie.”

But those who don’t work, don’t eat, and try as he might, Kili cannot manage both their workloads all by himself. Gloin is not a cruel circus-master, but he is an entrepreneur and not a charity worker. The show must go on.

And so, Fili has gone back to performing after only three weeks.

(He never limps when he’s in the arena, only when the lights go out.)

***

Kili finds his brother with the lions, exactly where he’s expected to find him. Sitting directly in front of the cage, with his injured leg carefully stretched out flat, he rests his head against the bars and lets the lion lick his hand.

The animals have always loved him, lions in particular. It’s as if there is a bond of understanding, an affinity of circumstances established between them.

And he has always loved them back – the animal enclosures are the one place where Fili feels happy.

On a bad day, he’s the only one who can persuade them to come out without using the whips.

“There’s a letter for us,” Kili offers, settling down next to his brother and sticking his own arm in through the bars. Sultan the lion only regards him, calmly, with his golden eyes, making no move whatsoever. “Bofur picked it up this morning.”

“From whom?” Fili frowns. It’s not like they have anyone left in the world, who might wish to write them letters.

Kili only shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s from an adoring fan. Maybe we’ve finally become famous!” he winks, leaning in closer.

Cautiously, as if it might burst into flames any minute now, Fili takes the letter from his hands. He’s expecting trouble, Kili knows that much, by the deep line appearing between his eyebrows. He wonders just when Fili learned to always wait for the other shoe to drop.

He leans in a little closer, closes the distance between them and gently kisses the little furrow he doesn’t like.

“Kili, no. Someone will see.”

“We’d hear them crossing the wooden planks we laid at the tents entrance first.”

It’s their greatest secret; one that could cost them their work and home, if not lives. But having been as close as two heartbeats all their lives, they don’t know who else they could have possibly fallen in love with.

Fili allows another little peck to the corner of his mouth, before he’s moving away with a sad smile and ripping the envelope open instead.

“Read it out loud,” Kili orders. “It’s addressed to me too.”

***

_The Lonely Mountain Estate  
September 10th, 1902_

_Misters Fili and Kili Oakenshield,_

_I hope this letter finds you in good health._

_It is with greatest of regrets that I must inform you that your uncle and my business partner, Thorin Oakenshield, has passed away on Wednesday last. It was a heart attack; I had been recommending rest for a while, but Thorin was not in the habit of taking the time off._

_As you may be aware, your uncle had some investments in real estate, as well as precious metals and jewels. I wish to inform you that, as the sole Executor of his Will, I will be transferring most of his assets to you. I have always found his treatment of your mother and you rather cruel, and frequently urged him to reconcile. I cannot imagine what he was thinking, particularly as I myself have recently adopted my nephew, whose parents have sadly passed away abruptly._

_I imagine such news must come as a shock and cause you some upset. To address this, I would like to speak with you directly, to help you acclimatize yourselves with the circumstances you find yourselves in and explain how things work around here. I would be grateful if you could travel to New Jersey with all haste, and in any case, arrive no later than the 27th, which is when the funeral is to take place._

_I trust that you will afford me this opportunity to put right the rift in your family, which should have never occurred. Thorin Oakenshield was my friend and I must believe that some part of him knew the error of his ways._

_I remain ever at your service,  
Bilbo Baggins _

***

“We _have_ to go.” Kili’s eyes are huge and dark and completely certain.

“To New Jersey?! In eight days?!”

“Don’t you see? This could be the answer to it all! Our ticket out of here!”

“It would take almost all our savings. Besides, we don’t even know this guy! We can’t just –“

Kili surges up and kisses his brother, soundly on the lips, causing a quiet little moan and a wild gallop of Fili’s heart.

“We cannot afford _not_ to go,” he whispers, honest and simple.

“Kili…”

Fili wants to say that stories like that don’t happen to people like them. That they can’t sacrifice years of hard work and meticulous saving on a whim, throw away what little they might be able to achieve with their own two hands, because some upstate millionaire they never met has requested their presence.

That even that modest dream is slipping away from them.

Because deep in his heart Fili already knows what he will never say to Kili: that they will die still in the circus, in poverty and squalor; that one day, one of them will fall and break their neck, and that will be that.

“Please say that we’ll go. _Please_ , Fili.”

Fili swallows around the bitter truth and says what his heart tells him to say: “We’ll go.”

If it causes Kili to bounce on the balls of his feet, to beam at him like the sun at noon and throw his arms around him in a fierce hug, Fili tells himself sternly to enjoy none of those things. He doesn’t deserve them.

“What are you doing?” he asks instead, when Kili grabs the shovel and unlocks the cage.

“What does it look like? I’m cleaning Sultan’s cage, which I think is the reason you’ve ended up here in the first place?”

At least Fili has the decency to look ashamed.

“Promise me one more thing, Fili,” his brother drops down to one knee on his side of the cage, pressing his forehead to Fili’s through the bars. “Promise me you’ll take it easy, that you’ll stop pushing it. No training or hard labour until we go. It’s only a few days, but it could make all the difference, and soon, very soon, it won’t matter anyway. I don’t want to see this chance arriving just a little too late for you.”

What’s another broken word, Fili wonders, faced with the scrutiny of dark, pleading eyes.

“I promise.”

***

_New Orleans  
September 21st, 1902_

_Mr. Bilbo Baggins,_

_I thank you for your letter dated September the 10th and for the news of my uncle’s death, may he rest in peace._

_I must confess that we have read your message with less distress than perhaps would have been appropriate. Our mother mentioned her brother all of two times, and we understand that they have not been close for some time. We barely knew of his existence, so as you can see, it comes with some surprise that we should now find ourselves heirs to his fortune, or indeed that our names should be known to you at all._

_I would have you know that I will protect my brother and not allow us to become entangled and manipulated into some shady business. We are happy with the life we crafted for ourselves and wish to be left in peace._

_Indeed, we regret to inform you that we will not be coming. In any case, we could not afford the journey._

_Kind regards,  
Fili Oakenshield_

He gives the letter to Bofur, not meeting his eyes.

“Don’t tell Kili,” he whispers and promises himself to break it to him when the time is right.

***

Kili catches him loading the crates onto the train.

He takes a long, hard look, before stepping out of the shadows – Kili can be as quiet as a ghost when he wants to be.

“Kili, I –“

“When were you going to tell me?” It’s only quiet, _too_ quiet, and fatally wounded by betrayal.

Fili would give his kingdom for his brother’s fury.

Once, he thought that their future, however unlikely, was worth this one small betrayal of Kili’s heart. Now he realises, with absolute certainty, that there is _nothing_ in this world worth such a price.

Wordlessly, head hanging low, Kili passes him an open envelope.

In it are two first class railway tickets dated for October the 3rd and a simple note on The Lonely Mountain stationery. It contains only two words: “please come.”

***

New York  
Christmas Day, 1902

“How’s your leg?”

“S’ fine, stop fretting.”

Fili, so far content with an arm wrapped loosely around his person and the owner of said arm providing familiar warmth along his back, now flops dramatically over to his other side. For a moment he drowns in a riot of crisp, white sheets puffing up and billowing out, but eventually he manages to pat everything down enough to find his brother among them.

He encounters dark eyes, soft with sleep and crinkled with mellow happiness, as Kili re-adjusts the covers and pulls him closer.

It’s nearing ten and Fili is getting seriously concerned about the servants storming their bedroom, unless they come down soon.

The house – a relatively modest townhouse on the corner of Riverside Avenue and 98th Street runs with only minimal staff, all of them recommended by Bilbo. They prefer it that way – the changes to their lives are difficult enough to get used to as it is.

Bilbo was also the one to have his physician examine Fili’s hip and shoulder right at the start, the day after they arrived. There wasn’t much that escaped the short, fussy man.

Fili was swiftly consigned to strict bed rest, and not for a month, but two, since apparently he’d done himself further damage.

Kili’s eyes told him in no uncertain terms that this time he was going to obey.

He was allowed into the bathroom and occasionally tried sneaking into the kitchens, but was quickly chased out by the staff, all of whom Kili had wrapped around his finger in less than a day.

When he wasn’t in bed, he was also allowed to stay on the downstairs sofa (so long as the servants carried him up and down the stairs in a chair), where he spent his days sprawled under blankets like some high society lady on her fainting couch.

It was from that sofa that Fili came to truly know Bilbo, became the heir to a vast property empire and read his way through haphazard stacks of books on markets, investments and management, determined to give them at least a fighting chance.

(Kili joked that they had their original plan all wrong: Fili should have been the one to get an education and become a clerk.)

By the time he was allowed to move freely around the house, Fili felt like he’d forgotten how to use legs.

But he persevered through that as well and eventually graduated on to ‘one hour of light exercise a day’, which Kili took to mean ‘a short walk around the Riverside or Central Park’.

Cane in hand, he covers the distance slowly for now, but just like in the circus, Kili has never, ever let him fall.

One day, he is told, he will walk faster, and his body will have healed completely.

***

Epilogue

New York  
July 1st, 1905

The Bronx Zoological Garden opening is as grand an affair as anything. There’s a parade, confetti everywhere, speeches by the great and the good of the city and free ice cream for all. A bit of magic brought in from another time.

Even if the zoo never makes a single cent – which is unlikely considering the quickly forming lines – Fili and Kili reckon they can probably keep it well-funded for the rest of their lives and some 150 years after.

It’s an eccentricity of course, but it barely makes a dent in their main line of business, and anyway, what’s the point of being rich if you can’t have what your heart desires?

Unlike in the nearby _Menagerie_ of the Central Park, there are barely any cages here. Instead, the 265 acres of unimproved meadow and forest largely replicate the natural habitat of the animals, utilising the Bronx River where boundaries are necessary. There are even plans for an animal hospital to be added in the future.

If a fair number of specimens is formed of old circus animals, nobody needs to know. Besides, these are the animals most used to humans and best suited to being on display.

Kili offers his thanks as the vendor passes him an outrageously pink cloud of cotton candy on a stick. Somehow, over all those years he’s never lost the taste for it.

Fili only shakes his head but doesn’t comment; less than a hundred yards later he shamelessly nicks a sweet tuft for himself.

“Have you forgiven me yet?” he asks, stopping in front of Sultan’s enclosure, watching the tan shape materialise in front of them, as if summoned.

(Sultan has a new mate now, called Bedouin Maid, and they reckon she’s already with cubs.)

Kili considers the question, curious to see if Fili will crack and look at him. Eventually he does, his blue eyes guarded like Kili hasn’t seen them in years.

“How’s your leg?” he returns a question for a question.

Fili arches an eyebrow. “Should I do a somersault or two to demonstrate?”

“Could be entertaining.”

“Kili.”

Kili allows himself a smug little smile. “I promised myself that I’d forgive you, once your joints have healed,” he offers slowly. “But in truth, I broke my word too.”

“Oh.”

“ _In truth_ , I think I forgave you a great deal sooner. Perhaps around that first Christmas, when we weren’t being social yet, when it was just you, me, a great big house and endless bedsheets.”

There’s a kiss in that genuine smile that lights up Fili’s face and a hug and a twirl in the way he casually pulls at another strand of cotton candy with a glint of mischief in his eyes.

***


End file.
